Compassion

I know I don’t have to tell anyone this, but, man, the world is a tough place.

It’ll turn you cold in a heartbeat.

And if you’re like me, you also get to add in the fact that you are constantly overthinking any and all situations.

Anyone else ever feel like they get stuck in their own head?

I am so guilty of losing myself in a moment. Where I can’t find my way out of it for days.

That one time that you said too much, or that you played your hand a little too soon? Let’s play that over and over in our head for days and weeks on end and beat yourself up over it.

About a year ago, I decided I needed a change.

So I started a spiritual journey. It became a conscious effort to allow myself more time to heal, to try and stop beating myself up over things, I just wanted to be more in tune with what was happening around me and how that in turn, affected me internally.

But I went into this with the thought that the only way I could achieve this was if someone came in and saved me. I felt as if I was this hopeless being who needed saving to become who I wanted to be.

And I know so many people who think this same way.

It started just a year ago, but I recognized that my way of dealing and healing just wasn’t cutting it anymore. It just so happened at this same time, I started to see an amazing human being who was helping me to alleviate migraines.

It started it out with easy conversation and I think that we both knew that we were fighting the same battles in different ways.

He was exactly what I needed to encourage me down my path.

I started journaling, a few minutes every day. I started meditating. I stopped belittling myself. I began to understand that the most important conversations that I was having on a daily basis were the ones that I was having with myself.

Find that something that works for you, please. It could be anything, just anything that gets you out of your head for a little bit. When you find that outlet, it’s going to make a huge difference.

It took me some time but I know that I don’t need anyone to save me now.

And neither do you.

It’s true what they say, light does shine brighter in the dark.

Now, I bring my own light.

You, too, can bring your own light.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of days where the darkness tries to bury my light. There are days when it feels as if someone is trying to pull the rug out from under me. There are days when I try to pull the rug out from under myself, too.

But I am so better equipped to handle all of that now. I know how to show myself compassion, how to strip away the ugly thoughts and situations that my mind creates and treat myself with compassion.

I’m not the same person I was a year ago, but I’m taking the time to reflect on that and smile at how far I’ve come.

No, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine now. But I’m so thankful for all of the people that have stuck around for some dark times. The ones who have taught me that love isn’t a feeling. It’s an act of will. It’s a choice. Love is a choice. And it’s something you can choose to do every single day.

It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

So when you find yourself questioning why people “put up with your sh**,” it’s that they’re acting out of compassion.

Your friends choose to love you despite the darkness that is or was.

And when you find yourself having a rough day, unable to get out of your head, treat yourself with that same compassion.

You can choose to love you despite the darkness that is or was.

You deserve every ounce of happiness in the world.

You deserve to be your own light.

So I hope you can make peace with your pain — with whatever it is that’s eating at you.

I genuinely do. So have compassion for yourself. Because you are magical and beautiful.

And me, well I am, too.

To Those Who Don’t Know What Comes Next

I always had a plan.
 
First, it was college. And internships. Volunteer opportunities. Networking. Then a postgraduate degree. And then my first real job.
 
There was always a plan. Whenever someone asked, “what’s next?” I had an answer.
 
Always.
 
Until I didn’t.
 
I was destination obsessed because that was something to focus on and believe that when I finished this, this, and that — I would be where I wanted to be in life.
 
Oh, how heavily that’s weighed on me this last year. Nothing went according to my plan. I worked my tail off for five years … and it all seemed like it went for naught.
 
Okay, you did all of that. You accomplished all of these things … now what?
 
What’s next?
 
What’s the next move?
 
I have no idea what comes next and that is downright terrifying.
 
I rushed through all of those plans — or goals — and didn’t take the time to celebrate my victories. Looking back on all that I’ve accomplished, the person that I’ve become, the relationships that I’ve made … it’s truly something that I should be immensely proud of.
 
Taking the time to celebrate our wins, no matter how big or small, that’s not really something we’re taught or even encouraged to do.
 
I’m here to tell you to take the time and celebrate the fact that through it all (depression, heartbreak, etc.) celebrate the fact that you got up and kept going. When you’re so fully-focused on the future, the present passes you by.
 
It’s easy to get stuck in the human judgment that is what comes next. But please, take some time to heal and reflect on everything you’ve been through, especially the wins, and recognize just how much you’ve grown.
 
Celebrate that you got up and met your best friend for coffee.
 
Celebrate that you got out of bed.
 
Celebrate that you passed that really tough class.
 
Celebrate that you took a risk and told someone how you really feel about them.
 
Celebrate.
 
Celebrate everything.
 
Wins and losses.
 
It’s okay to not have a plan.
 
It’s okay to not have your next move planned out.
 
After all, some of the best moments we’ll ever have will hit us when we’re least expecting them.
 

Welcome to Chasing Change

For about a year now, I have been on a journey. My journey had one goal in mind — and while I’m still on it — it was to learn to love myself. Part of that journey brought me to the realization that I wanted and needed to share my experiences as a young woman in a wheelchair who aspires to work in professional sports. Although that could seem like me narrowing my audience, I think that what I share is something that anyone that ever grew up different could/can relate to.

I’ll share a little bit about myself as Chelsie did. In August of 2017, I finished up a Master’s degree in Sport & Athletic Administration. If you haven’t caught on yet, I love sports. Baseball, softball, football, soccer, basketball … pretty much anything. Some of my obsessions include my family, my cat, A Day to Remember, and Dutch Bros.

I know that Chels and I are so excited to get started on this journey together and we can’t wait to share more with you all.